A Presentation from Father Patrick, the Hypertensive Friar.
As Mr. Zeff has just described, atoms often have an unequal number of protons and electrons. When there are more protons, the atom will attract electrons, and conversely, when an atom has more electrons it will attract protons.
But to be clearer, let’s put some faces on it. Say you’ve got an atom with 17 protons, who just nabbed another electron to fill out his shell. Let’s call him Chlorine.
Chlorine’s confident because while he knows he’s a bit negative, he is nevertheless attractive. In fact, his imperfection is his attraction: one cannot be attractive without some nuance, some special imperfect flare. He’s got that spark that someone would love to fix.
Cue Sodium. She’s got 11 of the most curvaceous protons around, and she’s looking awfully trim with just 10 valence electrons. She’s got her faults, true, but she’s positively charming.
Every bit of Chlorine bumps and shakes. Yes, yes, yes, jump her, jump her, jump her, he thinks as he floats to her on a river of his own drool. And then tasty stuff goes down! Chloe’s electrons reach over and pull on Sodium’s protons, and Chloe’s protons start jigglin Sodium’s electrons. Oh! Behave you two! This is foreplay that might last awhile...
The truth is this sodium and chlorine bond will likely stay together longer than most real marriages. Better still, it will spread. Other NaCl couples, attracted by their love, will move in nearby and form a pretty suburb. It’s will be a spacious place, free from impropriety, and though all the Sodiums are attracted to the Chlorines, and the Chlorines are attracted to the Sodiums, every couple remains faithful.
This is why I coat my steaks in salt: in the hopes of inspiring uniform sexual fidelity! Divine ordinance has made salt the most sacred of seasonings!
As Mr. Zeff has just described, atoms often have an unequal number of protons and electrons. When there are more protons, the atom will attract electrons, and conversely, when an atom has more electrons it will attract protons.
But to be clearer, let’s put some faces on it. Say you’ve got an atom with 17 protons, who just nabbed another electron to fill out his shell. Let’s call him Chlorine.
Chlorine’s confident because while he knows he’s a bit negative, he is nevertheless attractive. In fact, his imperfection is his attraction: one cannot be attractive without some nuance, some special imperfect flare. He’s got that spark that someone would love to fix.
Cue Sodium. She’s got 11 of the most curvaceous protons around, and she’s looking awfully trim with just 10 valence electrons. She’s got her faults, true, but she’s positively charming.
Every bit of Chlorine bumps and shakes. Yes, yes, yes, jump her, jump her, jump her, he thinks as he floats to her on a river of his own drool. And then tasty stuff goes down! Chloe’s electrons reach over and pull on Sodium’s protons, and Chloe’s protons start jigglin Sodium’s electrons. Oh! Behave you two! This is foreplay that might last awhile...
---
Hah! I jest,
But blessed be this union, this marriage!
Theirs is a bond based on affection.
What is a soul-mate but a complement
for our lesser imperfections?
---
The truth is this sodium and chlorine bond will likely stay together longer than most real marriages. Better still, it will spread. Other NaCl couples, attracted by their love, will move in nearby and form a pretty suburb. It’s will be a spacious place, free from impropriety, and though all the Sodiums are attracted to the Chlorines, and the Chlorines are attracted to the Sodiums, every couple remains faithful.
This is why I coat my steaks in salt: in the hopes of inspiring uniform sexual fidelity! Divine ordinance has made salt the most sacred of seasonings!
